I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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