Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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