Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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