ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
