remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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