I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
