The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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