I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
