i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
