There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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