I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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