I want you more than these girls want KFC
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
