I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
