Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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