The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
