I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
