I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Semen is not good for contacts.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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