ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
