Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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