Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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