I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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