Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
