hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You can't motorboat a personality
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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