trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
