My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
