he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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