I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
