i just wanna soil my oats bro
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
