Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Say something about gay babies.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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