saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
