I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
