She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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