No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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