I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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