HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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