Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
