apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
