Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
