Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
