I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
