Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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