so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
