My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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