CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
