Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
