Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
