I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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