Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
