I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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