I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
