i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
