he shaved USA in his pubs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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