Please, let me fuck your mom
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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