YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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