big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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