i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love having hate sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
