That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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