So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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