if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
