that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
