I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
PANTIES FOUND
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