You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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