I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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